last time

This may, very well, be the last time that I post on this topic. My gran passed away last year after quite a long struggle with cancer. She died a few days after my Matric Dance, but she couldn't attend it as she was way to weak to walk or move about much at all. On the anniversary of her passing, I wrote a little something to sum up how I felt and how I will continue to feel...

I remember it like it was yesterday
the day I heard the news
the news that you'd left us here
with our childlike ways and views
I remember asking how you were that morning
sent you a message the day before
when they said you were going I wouldn't let myself believe it
unprepared to hurt some more

when I got in the car that day
and the words came from his lips
I had nothing to say
no feeling but the slow sudden thrashing of whips

I didn't know how to feel for a long time after
all I knew how to be was strong
strong for all the wet faces
in fact, Cinderella acting like King Kong

now that I somehow believe you're gone
given a year to understand
it hasn't gotten easier; only more tears
remembering how I'd hold your hand
I remember you knitting
I remember you laughing
I even remember your eyes
I can see your greyish brown hair in my head
you, letting out one of those sighs

and I realise that I miss you
more than I would admit
I miss the way you knew how to hold us together
always pulling closely what you'd knit

we've all changed since you left us
although we wouldn't say it aloud
but one thing is for sure
that to be yours, we are proud
and as we experience hurt and joy today
we ask that you'll continue
to live on in us all
until we meet again
until we hear our call.
 

© Jessica Davids

to all those who have been, continue to be or who have yet to be affected by cancer...STAY STRONG. STAY BRAVE. KEEP GOING.